What if...

I've always enjoyed playing "what if" games.  When Steve and I first started dating we often played this in the car, I guess was a good "getting to know you" game of hypotheticals.  One "what if" scenario I find interesting is thinking about if certain personal or historical events had never occurred.  What if I had grown up in a city, how would my life be different? What if I hadn't decided to go to SUNY Geneseo (my first evaluation was that it smelled like cow manure)?  On a larger scale, what would the world be like if Hitler didn't exist?  You get the idea.

The "what if" that struck me recently was: What if my grandmother didn't have Multiple Sclerosis?  One answer could be, maybe I wouldn't have it, since there seems to be a genetic component to the disease.  Ironically though, the answer for me was that I wouldn't exist.   Without this disease that crippled my grandmother, and later myself, my parents most likely wouldn't have ever met. Allow me to explain.

Tokyo-1946

Before marriage, children, and Multiple Sclerosis, Anita Bear was a singer.  She served with the US Army in Tokyo, Japan as a Civilian Actress Technician, entertaining the troops through her radio show.  She loved Japan and as a young woman exploring the world for the first time I'm sure she was having the time of her life.  The people she worked with must have been a close group of friends and I can imagine the laughter and music that filled their young lives. The announcer for her show, Edward McDonald, later became her husband, and the pianist who accompanied her, Johnny Baker, was a close friend.  

When they returned to the United States, Anita and Edward married and started their family.  He continued to work in radio, and later in early television and she worked hard to raise their 3 children.  Over the years they lost touch with the people they had served with in Japan.

Some much needed help- 1968

Anita McDonald (Bear) was in a tough spot.  She was struggling to manage her MS and take care of her 3 children, now nearly all teenagers, without the help of her husband, who had left several years before.  Unable to cook, clean, or care for herself in many ways, her daughter had taken on these duties at a very young age.  The family was struggling to get by.

Out of the blue, Johnny Baker contacted Anita and came to visit.  While she was too proud to ask him for help, he saw how his old friend was struggling.  When he returned home to New Jersey, he asked his church for help.  They contacted the First Presbyterian Church of Northport, NY, where Anita was living. 

A Deacon in the church, Emma Meissner, came with the pastor to visit Anita and see what kind of help they could provide her and her family.  Emma and Anita instantly became good friends, talking on the phone each night.  Emma and her husband, Claus, opened their hearts and home to Anita's family.  Soon the Meissner and McDonald children were friends and the families gathered together for birthdays, holidays and other occasions. 

Emma and Claus decided that Anita and her family really needed a better home, one equipped to fit Anita's wheelchair.  in 1969 they bought the McDonalds a house and had it renovated to accommodate Anita's needs.  As you would expect, they had a ramp built and made sure doorways and hallways were wide enough, but they went beyond and had her bathroom built to match the one she was accustomed to using.  Having a place to call home was a blessing for Anita and her family, but having the friendship and unwavering support of Emma and Claus meant the world to them.

A Love Story-1978

 Now it just so happens that Anita's daughter, Lisa, and the Meissner's eldest son, Klaus, were close in age.  When they first met there were some teenage butterflies, but as their families grew closer, their relationship developed into a good friendship.  After graduating from high school, they went to college and graduate school, staying in touch and of course seeing each other at family gatherings.

When Lisa had begun working and Klaus was completing his graduate work at SUNY Albany, she would often come to visit him.  During one of these visits, Klaus decided that he really wanted Lisa to become more than just a friend.  He wanted a relationship.  She pushed him away.  It was just too complicated.  They were practically family! 

She left to drive home, but her car had other ideas.  Shortly into the trip it broke down, leaving her stranded.  She found a payphone and called Klaus for help.  It was that gallant rescue that changed her mind and she agreed to try a relationship with him. 

Having had plenty of time (10 years) to get to know one another, they quickly moved in together and in May of 1979 they were married.  In the First Presbyterian Church of Northport, NY.

In 1980 my brother, Luke, was born and I followed 22 months later.  20 years after that I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis.  But would I be here without it?

Me and Luke on Christmas (probably around 1988)